My heart hurts for the unreached, lost people of this world. It's hurts for the broken, poor, blinded people who have no hope and no savior. My heart hurts for my community and nation who is so numb towards all things Christian that they sit in their own despair, like sitting in your own vomit, refusing to accept the true freedom offered through Jesus. My heart hurts for injustice and brokenness and many other things that I have encountered in my lifetime. However, tonight as I lay in my bed my heart is hurting for something much more personal. Something that is beating so strong in my chest right now that I either had to blog about it or go scream and cry to express the feelings pumping through my body. My heart is hurting for my friends who just don't understand! My friends who either don't know Jesus as their Savior or more specifically tonight those who DO. Those you profess His name but neglect to add any real substance behind their words. Many of you know parts of my story or were there for seasons of my life and got to see with your own eyes the life I lived for several years.. I made my far share of mistakes. I lived the half-hearted, fake Christian life and did it quite well. I was broken, weak, and messed up. And I am here today to say NOTHING HAS CHANGED. I am Still broken, weak, and really freaking messed up. However, my relationship with Jesus HAS CHANGED. It's real. It's personal. It's AUTHENTIC. I am nothing. I am constantly on the edge about to fall back into the crap I used to call life but Now my eyes are fixed on the man who's hand is pulling me back from that edge. My heart has shifted towards the only true, whole, and beautiful thing that can daily realign my perspective and show my that I am truly nothing without JESUS. So as I write this my heart is in torment as I see friends living the life I used to live. I see so many around me acting like they are doing everything "right" but forgetting the most important part of the puzzle... Jesus. For too long did I sit around with a smile on my face and nod as people talked Jesus and never actually lived it. For too long did I know in my heart something was not right but never spoke it because I knew I was living the exact same way! I've been doing that for years but the time has come. I am now responsible for everything I sit back and allow when I know that it is wrong. My heart is hurting because I want to look at my friends and scream "What the heck are you doing? Stop lying to me!" but I can't. I know that that will only close hearts towards me and tarnish relationships that aren't suppose to be done. I want to cry with them, laugh with them, and see breakthrough in their hearts but I feel helpless. I feel hopeless. I feel like I'm sitting in front of them with duck tape over my mouth as they ramble on about Jesus but forget that as a fellow child of God He has given me discernment to see through the fake and get straight to the heart. I would rather someone lay out all their crap on the table and say here it is rather than put on a mask because then I could look at them and say well here's my crap and here's Jesus so lets work this out together! I so desperately want my friends to experience the Jesus that has captured my heart and has daily blown my mind to just how Good and Loving He really is!
I look forward to the day when God opens and softens the hearts of my friends and begins to speak to them about their true identity, worth, and place in His kingdom.
Lord, what a beautiful day that will be when my friends stop lying and realize that your grace is sufficient and your love is everlasting! When that understand I'm not "judging" them but instead I long to see their hearts Awakened to You! Let it happen soon, God! Use me in whatever way you want. Use my story, use my weaknesses, take every part and use it all however you want. May there be breakthrough in their lives this very night! Do it, God! May not another moment be wasted chasing only a shadow of who you really are! Bless them, Jesus! Encounter them and overwhelm them with Your love!
Hallelujah! It's going to happen!
