New location. | New season. | New dreams. | New struggles. | New Roles.
New location.
So as many of you know in September I moved from Kona, Hawaii back home to Jacksonville. I moved home to work at the local YWAM base and staff their Discipleship Training School. I really has no idea what I was getting myself into and often felt completely unqualified, though I knew the Lord had a special plan for me in Jacksonville and I was excited for the change. The preparation for the school once I was in Jacksonville was pretty tired, with an extensive amount of physical labor trying to get ready for the 44 students, however the time flew and before I knew it the kick-off to the Fall DTS 2012 was upon us. After 3 months in Jacksonville pouring into the students and being pruned and stretched in my own heart, I set off to Turkey with a team of 16. It was an interesting challenge planning for the outreach due to several different obstacles but the moment we landed in the nation of Turkey I knew it was all worth it. In fact, as I write this update I am sitting in my hostel in Istanbul and so thankful for my time thus far in this nation!
This outreach will soon be over, however. In 19 days our team will be heading back to Jacksonville and on March 2nd they will graduate the DTS. After the school is over, the Lord has been so kind in clearly paving the way for what my next several months are going to look like. So here is a quick look at the different places I will be living and traveling to in the coming year:
February 25- Return to Jacksonville
March 18- Move to Greenville, South Carolina
May 4- Fly out to California for a friend's wedding
Mid-May- Move to back Jacksonville
July 24- Fly out to Kansas for my cousin's wedding
September 14-.....A Special Day.... ;)
*Many of these plans will be clarified as you read on in this blog*
New season. | New struggles.
So throughout the past 6 months or so the Lord has been calling me out and into positions of leadership that I have felt totally unprepared for. If you would have asked me earlier last year if I wanted to staff a DTS my answer would have been a very clear NO. I did not feel like I had the gift of discipleship nor did I have any real interest in staffing any YWAM schools. My heart was and still is for the nations. I spent many days in Kona dreaming about what nation the Lord was calling me to and where I was going to be moving with friends in the future. For me, staffing was never in the picture. Clearly Jesus had different plans for me and I am so thankful that my life is truly yielded to Him, because His plans really are ALWAYS better than my own. Once I committed to the DTS in Jax and stepped out in faith I had this overwhelming feeling of inadequacy and truly feeling unqualified for the season ahead. In fact, these feelings continued into the school. It was a time of constantly stepping out into the unknown and leading others into places I was still learning myself. Most of the DTS was spent in a cycle of realizing my need for Jesus and how I really had no idea what I was doing and then walking in that brokenness and reliance on Him. From the start of the school I had no real idea of what to expect, I was just excited for what the Lord had and ready to see each student's life changed the way that mine had a year previous. I had see such a radical transformation in my own life that I knew it was possible for the 44 students I was staffing. I was specifically given 5 girls to personally disciple, which was one of the major factors that pushed me into a place of dependancy on Jesus. Many time I felt I had little to give as a simple 20 year old girl, but the Lord regularly broke into our times together and met each girl where they were at. Another responsibility that was given to me was to co-lead an outreach to Turkey. I have traveled for my entire life, but when I came to the realization that 14 LIVES were going to be in the hands of my co-leader, Vic, and I, I seriously doubted that I had any business leading an outreach. Thankfully, throughout this past season I have learned that it really doesn't matter how you view yourself or whether you think you are ready for something or not, the only option that truly matters is Jesus' and for some crazy reason He believed I was ready. That has been an important revelation for me. I know I am called to great things and I know I will rarely feel prepared when the Lord calls me! But hey, if I fail... He will always be there to catch me. Hallelujah!
This time in Turkey has been an interesting one to say the least. The Lord was so gracious in giving me an amazing co-leader who truly compliments me and is strongest where I am weakest. She has made this time here so much more enjoyable. Even though we are very different, we work very well together and are operating on the same wave length many days! I have learned how important it is to be of one mind with your co-leader. If there is not peace in that relationship first, everything else will spiral into chaos. Our team is not only a large one, especially for the Middle East, but it is also made up of a variety of personalities that have made living in a tiny apartment in Istanbul quite eventful. Thankfully, however, they have been slow to complaining and have brought me many laughs over the past 37 days. This is the first time in a long time that I have been to a Muslim nation and with that comes its own set of challenges. However, the Lord has been so kind in giving us great ministries to work with and several friends that members of the team have connected with! It has been in the hard moments too that I have heard the Lord speak very clearly to me about my relationship with Him and the moments when I have caused His heart pain through my disobedience. I learned deeper depths of grace for those around me as I have learned to walk in deeper depths of the Lord's grace for me. I am so thankful for even those hard moments on this outreach, for they have strengthened my love for Jesus and refined my character to look more like Him! This season of outreach has been quite unique for me personally. I have been in a place of learning balance and learning even deeper dependancy on Jesus. I have learned that I really suck at leading. It has to be Jesus 100% of the time or else we are just setting ourselves up to fail. As I will go into a little later on in this blog, I am not only a leader right now of a team of 14 but I am also a girlfriend to one of the guys on the team which has opened up my heart to not only lessons from the Lord on leadership but also growing in a new relationship and working out heart issues that have remained untouched for years. But oh how I have seen the kindness, grace, and intimacy of Jesus in new, beautiful ways. This has been a difficult balance at times but I wouldn't want it any other way. I have been met by the Lord in this season and it will be one that forever marks me.
Even as I write this blog and comb through the past 4 or 5 months it makes it seem as though the time has flown by, it is truly hard for me to believe that this season of DTS is coming to an end. It has been such a beautiful season of refining and learning, but I am so so very excited for what the Lord has for this coming year. Though Jesus has a way of changing plans and rearranging stuff, I believe I have a pretty clear picture of what is to come. There is nothing but joy and expectancy in my heart for all the Lord has planned! I never would have thought I would be in a relationship, finishing up staffing a DTS, and getting ready for some major life changes all before March was over but its starting to look that way!! I know that the seasons and struggles in the following months are going to be hard and different than anything I've ever experienced but I am thankful that with each struggle there is a promise that in the end I WILL look more like Jesus and that makes it all worth it!
New roles.
The main theme throughout this past season has been a taking on of new roles for me. They are each unique and challenging in their own way but I am so thankful that the Lord has allowed me to come into these roles!
Discipler: Though it is true that this is not actually a real word, it is the best one I could come up with to describe the role I have taken in this DTS over the past 4 months. It has been a journey learning how to speak into people's lives at the very different points that each of them are at. Receiving from the Lord and then speaking that truth into others' lives is honestly so fun, but it requires an intense amount of personal disciple and pursuit of the Lord! I have loved getting to know a good handful of girls in this DTS and then watched as they fell deep in love with Jesus. Discipling others while you, yourself, feel broken is such a unique, stretching role but it have refined me like none other.
Friend: One struggle I have had to walk through over since moving to Jacksonville from Kona has been the sudden removal of deep friendships and close community. I have realized my deep love and deep need for even a few close friends around me, but I have also realized that it is ok to be in seasons of distance while the Lord takes you on journeys away from the comfort of close community. Thankfully, I have been blessed with a several best friends who now live in a range of areas but are each so near to my heart. In this season the Lord has been teaching me the importance of valuing those closest to me and sowing into those relationships even when we are far apart. Though I still have a Long way to go in this department, am I right Sarah, I now value those friends more than ever before!
GIRLFRIEND: Ahhh.. The subject I have been waiting to get to! If you know me, you most likely know that I have been in a relationship for the past 4 months. I came to Jacksonville with pretty much Zero desire to be in a relationship and never thought for a moment that that would even be on my radar during this season. However, like I have learned again and again Jesus usually has different plans than I do. I started dating Mike Mcdonald on October 19th and it has been the biggest joy and blessing in my life thus far! I actually met Mike last year in March at a Fascinate Training School in Greenville, SC but didn't actually speak a real word to him and honestly didn't think much about him, but unknowingly the Lord was already in the works weaving together the greatest love story EVER! Mike is currently a student in the DTS I am staffing and is on the outreach am I leading. He is more than I could ever have imagined of what the man I would spend my life with would be like and I catch myself regularly amazed that Jesus picked ME to be Mike's partner in ministry and in life. I cannot wait to tell everyone our story in more detail and share all the plans the Lord has downloaded to us for the future. Though this has been a role that is so new to me, Jesus has been teaching me deep lessons on love and grace. It has been a hard, stretching season for Mike and I as we work out the kinks of a new relationship in a house with 14 other people but I have fallen more in love with him in the past month and cannot wait for the future! We will be together all summer as we deepen our relationship and plan for our future. We are moving to Greenville and to Jacksonville together and are excited for the announcements that are to come ;)
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Wow.. that was a long one :) Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this and truly care about the things going on in my life! The support of all of my friends and family means SO much.
Please continue to pray for:
-our team as we finish of our outreach
-Mike and I's relationship
-clarity for the future
-finances for Mike and I as we begin to raise support together
LOVE,
Jenn
