HARDEST & DARKEST.

I'm learning to be careful what I ask for. There have been so many times in my past when I say I want/am called to a certain place or thing and then get the opportunity to actually experience what I've been so eagerly desiring.. This past week was exactly that. In missionary circles it's cool to throw around the term "hardest & darkest" without knowing what it fully involves. I was always the first to proclaim "I'm called to the hardest and darkest" with a big smile on my face, lacking true experience besides the vague memories of childhood travels. I can now say after spending a week in the mountain villages of Nepal I have begun to see just what I'm getting myself into. It's more challenging, serious, exciting, and rewarding than I would have ever imagined. My body, mind, and soul were stretched in ways I have never felt and I can now say that looking back I wouldn't trade it for the world.

PUMA:
Beginning our time with a 4 hour trek up to the village of Puma, the reality of just how hard this time was going to be hit instantly. Climbing step after step at a nearly 70 degree angle threw my body into overwhelming shock. Add asthma into the mix and it turned out to be one SPLENDID adventure. Blood, sweat, and tears doesn't even begin to describe the emotions and pain felt during that trek. Thankfully, I eventually made it. Collapsing on the ground, literally crawling up the last few stairs. I'm sure anyone who knows me can just imagine my face by this point. It wasn't a pretty situation. However, thanks to a place to sit and an abundance of water my body recuperated! We had originally planned to show the Jesus Film in each village the first night we got there and then have an entire day of follow up, however thanks to the reality of things never going as planned we were forced to show the film on the second night. Though this wasn't how we'd thought it would go, God totally worked in amazing ways. Spending the first night just eating and sleeping, we woke our first morning, started with worship and then dispersed into the village. Our job was to invite people to the movie that night, which we eventually did, but our day was instead filled with sitting on a bench as person after person came to get prayer for healing. We walked away amazed because we seen God work even though many of the people only got partially healed. Fast forward about 4 hours and it was now time to show the film. Person after person slowly trickled in adding up to at least 150! It was a truly awesome moment seeing so many wide-eyed, hungry people watching the gospel be acted out. Leaving that place knowing that an entire family has decided to receive Jesus and many people being healed, we stopped counting, God stirred our faith and created a greater expectancy in our hearts for the next place!

DADHUWA:
Originally told that the trek from Puma to Dadhuwa was At Most going to be 8 hours(we later found out that they had purposefully tried to exaggerate), it soon turned into one of the longest, phyically exhausting days of my life. Starting with a downhill walk to the valley between mountains, hour after hour began to run together. What was presumed to take only a few hours quickly turned into a nearly 8 hour walk including our stop for "lunch". Finally seeing the river which was the midpoint between mountains, we figured out we'd been taking the wrong path the entire time. We all spouted out different ideas including crossing the river by foot so we wouldn't have to walk another hour to the bridge and sleeping in an abandoned shack in the middle of miles of rice fields. It was after about 30 minutes of talking and resting that the decision was made to push on forward, make the walk to the bridge, and continue are journey into the night since it was at this point that the sun had begun setting. Walking through rice fields, up streams, and between forests we made it to the bridge where we loaded up on carbs, thanks to the enormous amount of snack a few of us bought, and began the hike up to our destination. It was before crossing the bridge that a few of us stared each other in the eyes and whole-heartedly proclaim there was no FREAKING way we were going to make it. It was in moments like these, which made up most of the week, that every step, every breath, & every second was completely Jesus. Our strength left us 3 hours into the first day, causing us to let Jesus take the wheel. If it had been my own will power or strength, I would have died the first day. Seriously. Good news, we eventually made it. The ministry we got to be a part of in that village truly made the whole day of trekking worth it. During the day we were able to go around to home after home and invite people to come see the film. Although our bodies were beyond exhausted and our team was beginning to annoy each other, common when you are together 24/7, the time to show the film came quickly and excitement grew in my heart. The crowd at first seemed a bit small but family after family began to emerge from the hills and soon the field was full. There had to have been at least 300 people there that night, all 100% engaged. As our group of 25 circled up to pray for the night, God ignited our hearts for revival in this village! The film finally ended and the call for healing and salvation was given. Looking back I allowed prayed for at least 15 people and saw COMPLETE healing in every. single. person. From pain in their back and shoulders, to headaches, toothaches, and personally feeling a tumor disappear. It was NUTS. There were also those who gave their hearts to Jesus and many bibles were dispersed. It was truly one of the most beautiful, life altering moments. The increase of faith was immeasurable and there was now NO question in my heart that the God of the Bible is moving in some CRAZY ways. I will say, though healings are awesome to be a part of, they are only temporary. Salvation is the greatest miracle of all!


I asked our leader here, Joel, "Why don't we see this stuff in America?"... His response "I don't believe that. Begin to pray for healing in your church, go to the hospital if you have to, and you will see it." The time starts now to see the amazing miracles in the nations invade the American church!


BANGLADESHI: 
With exploding faith and the end in sight we left early Saturday morning for our last village. Beginning with another steep trek down, my body was inching towards absolute shut down. We made it to another river and crossed one of the sketchiest "bridges" ever. Made with 2 thin logs and over a narrow rapid, it was thankfully not very long but still a fun little adventure. At the river we got to finally wash our hair and our feet while we rested for about an hour. Lunch consisted of 2 packs of cookies which would hopefully supply enough sugar to get us up the last leg of the trek. It wasn't too long before the time had come to lace up my hiking boots once again and climb another mountain. Lets be honest, I literally cried when I saw the climb. Being told its relatively flat and then seeing another 70 degree angle mountain seriously SUCKS. But... God is good and the climb only took about an hour. We were able to stay in a 2 story home which just happened to be infested with the Biggest spiders we have ever seen, praise the Lord we had a house, right?! haha. We then ate dinner as 30 people stared at us and the time to show the film came quickly. Though we had not had the chance to tell many people about the film, word spread quickly and close to 100 people showed up to watch. As it played every single person fell asleep on our team as exhaustion set in. I was eventually woken up and the time to pray for people had come. Few stayed for prayer and the heaviness of the spiritual atmosphere was instantly evident. Unlike the other villages who were hungry and eager to hear about Jesus, this place was full of mockery and darkness. It was clear to us that spiritual warfare had begun in an increased way. I unfortunately had a terrible nights sleep thanks to sweat and spiders, but was overwhelmed by the grace and love of Jesus. He truly met me the night before and allowed my perspective to shift. What a privilege it is to get to preach the gospel to the UNREACHED! There is no way I would ever hike a mountain for fun but knowing the reward of seeing people experience the love of Jesus made it all worth it. Thanks to some great team time and visiting more houses, the day was beginning to shape up as a successful one! It was then that we got a call... Arriving at a house where some of our team had already been for nearly 2 hours, there was a woman there possessed by a demon. Our amazing translator, Gonga, had been talking to the demon and found out it was from Mumbai, India and had been in the woman for 25 years. After about 45 minutes of simple prayer and worship we began to see a change, the demon was getting angry. After being death gripped on my neck, pushed, and nearly having water thrown at me, I started to get a little tired. We continued to pray for another hour or so until it was finally time to eat because the film had already started. Some of the leaders stayed to pray more and saw some of the demons leave, we had found out there were 30+ in this woman and the name by which it called itself meant the goddess of death, however the time also came for them to leave. It was a crazy moment for me, the reality of the demonic became ever more real, however the power of Jesus overwhelmed my heart. Its awesome knowing that Jesus is already victorious! Though there were some youth repeatedly shinning lights in our faces and not paying attention to the movie, over 100 people watch the Jesus film that night. About 4 or 5 gave their lives to Jesus, I personally got to be a part of one marking one of the greatest moments of my life, and numerous people got healed! The devil was scarred that night as we took back ground and declared freedom for so many who'd been captive for their entire lives! We left that place with fulfillment in our hearts.


The day had finally come to go home! We were all so ready to be in our home, in a bed, with showers, however I wouldn't have traded that week for anything. As we had to trek for nearly 2 hours to the next town, because why make the last leg easy, I began to get super stoked! We reached the town, waited for our bus for an extra hour or so thanks to it getting stuck in mud, again nothing is ever simple or easy, and began the 9 hour trip home! Add in some traffic jams and a little more mud we had ourselves one good day! 9 hours gave me plenty of time to process! It was such a life-changing week, yet it created an even deeper desire to be home with my family! 


Though the past month has been great and God is going to work in mighty ways over the next 2, I have never missed my family life I do now. I have such expectancy for what God is going to do in Nepal and in my life, this past week was only the beginning! Please continue to pray for me and my team! Pray for unity and love and for more works of God as we take over Nepal! 

Ready.. Set.. Trek!

What a crazy week it's been. Though quite relaxed at the start of the week, to the point of leaving a few of us questioning what rest looks like on the missions field, God really showed up as we began to get out and about!

On Tuesday night we were invited to a worship time at a couple's house. It turned into being one of the best nights so far for our team (though 2 were sick at home).. The idea of family was no longer a word thrown around, but it was the atmosphere surrounding us. There was such an ease to each relationship that I hadn't felt in weeks and I now desire out of every moment with this beautiful family God has given me for the next 2 months. Capped off with a rooftop chat overlooking the city. God is so good to come close in the times we need it most.

Listening to a sermon by Bill Johnson last night and then reading a chapter from the book "Radical" back to back has begun to challenge my views of God and the way I have watered down the furious aspects of His personality. Though I just wrote that He is so good to draw near, Bill Johnson opened my eyes to how strong a grip self-pity has had on me. To hang my head and wait til God comes to comfort me is Not the way I will receive the fullness of all He has for me. "God responds to the lifted head" was just one quote that spurred my heart to climb out of the hole of self-pity and chase after Jesus with all I have! It is Then that I will encounter my Creator!

Though we have only been here for 2 weeks, encounters with our Creator God have been waiting for us at every early morning, worship time, conversation, and empty heart we experience! This week was the main Hindu festival in Nepal. As the globs of red Tikka grew on each Nepalis head, the reality of the need in this nation gee in our hearts. On Wednesday we got the opportunity to see the lies of the enemy at work in the most real, disheartening way. As hundreds of people lines up to sacrifice a variety of things, our hearts grew heavy and our eyes were opened. For about 25 minutes we watched a families spilled blood, believing this would pay for their sins. Waves came over me as I watched. At moments I wanted to scream out the truth hoping this would shake the hearts and the atmosphere while at other moments I could weep uncontrollably. God taught me something through this experience. I was shown the importance it is to keep your eyes Fixed on Jesus more than ever in these moments, because though our hearts can break for what breaks His, we carry a hope and a joy that every person Must experience! I was So proud of my team that day. As time past I began to look around and see each person talking or praying with several people. It was a beautiful scene to watch. God totally set me up to get to preach the gospel to a man for the 1st time ever. Asking him if his god spoke to him he answered "no" and it was then that the door was opened to share about my Relationship with the Living God to speaks to me and loves me. As the man walked away with his wife he left the temple with a bible in his hand and a seed planted in his heart! Go God! We made our way to the exit thinking our work was done but soon realizing it has only just begun! Within 15 minutes every beggar sitting along the stairs had bibles and were reading them aloud to each other! God truly showed how a tiny speck of boldness on our part is all He requires to begin a revival of the heart!

Capping off the week we walked to a leper colony. Our faith was through the roof. We walked and talked on our way there, quoting scripture about how Jesus healed the lepers in the Bible. Though we wanted to see the same outcome as Jesus did, he has a different plan! We got to pray for a man with a tumor and the sound of a machine in his ear which cause him to be unable to sleep for days. Though the tumor did not disappear all the pain left and the sound stopped! After preaching the gospel we entered the colony. Inside we had the opportunity to pray for the leader and encourage him in his faith! We were then leaving when a man who couldn't walk was sitting outside of his room and allowed us to pray for him. 5 mins later he walking and crying as the love of God poured into his heart! We then got to walk to a church where an elderly pastor's wife had been in bed for days, alone and unable to get up due to a broken hip and pain. The beauty of the Lord radiated from this woman and God's presence met us in such a sweet way! She walked back and forth for the 1st time in days and was encouraged that God was so near to her.

Last night we went to our weekly worship time at our contact's house and had an awesome time of fellowship with fellow brothers and sisters. It's been so great hearing what God is doing in this nation! Please continue to pray for revival and break through!

In 2 days we get to leave for our first trek! (Hence the title) We will be gone for 7 days and will be traveling to 3 villages! We are expectant of great and mighty moves of God in these unreached villages as the gospel is proclaimed!

I love you all and can't wait to tell of the stories after this trek! Please pray for strength and boldness to preach until all have heard!

Nepal.

So we have finally made it. After 3 months of preparation and prayer our journey throughout Nepal has begun. Today is our 1 week anniversary and God has already shown up in big ways...

We started with great worship and prayer our first 2 days. Listening to the voice of God and trying to construct a plan for the next 3 months. Though we each got pictures and words which helped in piecing together a plan, we began to understand that this time was going to be planned week by week. We have each had to learn already that God wants us to focus on TODAY because each day is another chance for encounter and breakthrough.

Then came our first day out in the city. We all agreed that it was important to start this time off with prayer so we ventured to a Buddhist temple overlooking Katmandu and began to worship Jesus! Such an amazing moment for all of us. In fact it was on the stairs up to the temple that I saw my first healing. Praying for a young 9 year-old girl who had been blind for 4 years, her sight began to get better. Though it was only a partial healing, we could tell by her sudden smile that the love of Jesus had truly encountered her. This was the first of many healings we are expecting to see here. It was a few days later that the greatest miracle of all happened. We split into team of about 4 and went into the city again. looking for divine appointments. My team ended up in a square surrounded by temples and began talking with several people. It was at this moment that a mother of 3 sat down and met Jesus. Fast forward 20 minutes and this beautiful Nepali woman was accepting Jesus into her heart. What an amazing moment for us. All I could think was.."Wow, THIS is the purpose of our lives. This is IT!"

We are so excited for what the next 10 weeks are holding. This coming week is a hindu festival in which all the people go back into their home villages. But after its over we are hoping to get to start our first trek into the unreached villages around this nation! Please pray for increased faith, power, favor, and LOVE for Jesus and for the people of this nation! God is moving and it is such a privilege to get to be a part of His work!

We are all going great. A few have been a little sick, but God is so good and so faithful to us! I love you guys and can't wait to update you more on all God is doing!

If you'd like to email me and get more personalized updates my email is realityisheaven@gmail.com

14 hours and counting.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." -2 Corinthians 4:16-18

These past 3 months have been everything I came here desiring and so much more. God has met me, shaken me, broken me, and rebuilt me only to break me again. In fact, brokenness has become a daily occurrence with words like "breakthrough" and "freedom" being spoken as the light at the end of the tunnel. No struggle has gone unmet and no hurt has been left simmering in my heart. God has spoken so clearly to my heart, never leaving me to wonder whether He cared. The nearness of the Lord has become even more real to me, yet my mind still cannot grasp the concept that the Creator of the Universe cares to come and speak so tenderly to my heart. Throughout every broken moment, every tear, every distracted worship time God has shown His abundant Love, Grace, and Joy! Never has my walk with the Lord become so personal and so real. Yes, I still have a long way to go but God has revealed to me just how excited He is to take this journey with me! I wish I could tell of each life changing moment I've had here.. But that would be impossible. Though there were many big, Jesus productions filled with dancing, singing, laughing, shouting, crying, etc... It was in the secret place with the Lord that He showed Himself to me in a new, beautiful way :) I came to the Awaken DTS hoping for a change and all I can say is my heart has truly been AWAKENED. Awakened to the reality of God and the fullness of all He has for me!

Now it is time for my outreach! Traveling is in my blood and I believe it is becoming even more clear to me that I will be doing it for many more years to come... But this time it's different. This time I am all packed and physically ready to go, but something is different. My heart is heavy. I cannot pinpoint the reason for my tears but God is really showing me how depend I Must be on Him and the time I have with Him! I was never meant to do this alone and the busyness of this time should never come between me and the whole purpose for this trip, Jesus! It is in these moments when God's grace is so good to me, He is SO patient and never gets tired of walking me through the same lessons over And over again. As I lay in our prayer room and write this blog, the Holy Spirit is doing a work in my heart and bring a peace and strength I am going to need over the next 72 hours!

Thank you, Lord for Your goodness over these past 3 months and Thank You for all You're going to do in the coming months!

I love you all who are reading this post. My family and Friends have really stepped it up over this time and blessed me! I will be forever grateful! I will try to blog when I can in Nepal, hopefully I'll be better at it than I was here! Ha!

Please continue to pray for me, my team, and the amazing country of Nepal! Our team site is awakennepal.com so go there too for updates!

LOVE!

catch up.

Wow. So I've been pretty terrible at updating this blog. I feel like the weeks fly by and before I know it we're on to the next speaker. So here is my attempt to sum up the journey so far...

Since last writing we've had some really great, life-changing speakers. Between Loren and Darlene Cunningham, Andy Byrd, Danny Lehmann, Brian Brennt and Lou Engle, my heart has been stretched, freed, ravished, and met in new, incredible ways. Each speaker has brought new life to this christian walk I've been a part of for several years. Covering topics ranging from giving up rights to seeing a worldwide revival and everything in-between, I have been challenged in almost every part of my heart and pushed to create a lifestyle where radical is normal.

Aside from all the amazing speakers God has been doing a mighty work in my heart. Revealing to me that a new season was about to start, I at least had some warning as to what was about to happen, unfortunately I didn't connect the dots until I was in the midst of the storm. Last Monday was when I first recognize that God was on the move and it was gonna be a painful, deep work. Thankfully the joy came in the morning... well about 2 mornings later. But it was AWESOME and much needed. I felt as though God was beginning to take out all the "bad", those parts of my personality and parts of my heart that I held on to because I believe that was just who I was. As each issue got addressed I was left feeling empty and alone, pushed to my limit and sick of whatever God had started in my life. Thankfully, God is good, so good and He doesn't just leave us void. Its been over the past week that I've come into new revelations of God's love and His JOY!

Joy is not happiness. Happiness is fleeting. It relies on circumstance and is nothing more than a feel good emotion. But Joy.... Joy is deep. Its unshakable. It wells up and bursts forth saying "But I KNOW God is Good. I KNOW God is worth it. I KNOW God loves me. And I can't stop smiling and laughing because even in my circumstance new revelations of His Joy are overwhelming me!"

I have a lot of growing yet to do but God is just so good. I've found the meaning of life and thats just to Love God and Love people. Thats it! How freeing! Man... I have to live my life doing the simple. I have to spend my life loving and in that love sharing God's love for the world. The fire inside of me for the nations is beginning to burn hotter then I've ever felt it and its the most amazing feeling.

Thank you Jesus for choosing to use ME!

Simplify.

Truth is Jesus.
Life is freedom.
Reality is heaven. 

Family & Freedom.

Kona, Hawaii. Mention this place to me 3 weeks and I wouldn't have given much thought to it. I'd of told you about the YWAM base I knew of there and how my friend Dan Baumann lived there. Thats about all I knew, showing even more clearly just how little I cared about the tiny city of Kona. Fast forward 3 weeks and BAM I'm now living in Kona and I've been here 10 days! Its truly amazing how God works.

Deciding to come do the DTS here at Kona was SUCH a last minute decision. So sudden, in fact, that I had barely any time to prepare or think about just what I was getting myself into. Even the decision to come was quick. I knew I was suppose to move within 15 minutes of hearing the idea from Dan. Looking back on it now... God is so crazy. When he wants you somewhere, there's no way of getting out of it, and it's gonna hit you like a ton of bricks. I love it!

I arrived Thursday night, July 7th, to a smiling Dan Baumann. The whole day had been filled with travel, so I still only took a brief few moments throughout the day to let the idea of what was really happening sink in. It truly wasn't until today, 10 days later, that I woke up and it started to settle in.. I'm here for a while. haha. Thankfully, its not a scary feeling. I'm just ready to jump in.

The first Friday we were here we got a little peek into what exactly we'd gotten ourselves into... The welcome services were awesome. The worship was FANTASTIC. I was so happy. Then came Saturday... Saturday night was just suppose to be a little "party/meet everyone" shindig. But MAN did Jesus have different plans. What was at first just a time to hang out, quickly turned into an hour long spontaneous worship time. This school started out So hungry that there was no awkward, get to know each other time. There was no lets-slowly-discover-who-God-is-together. We dove in, head first. And we haven't looked back since.

With each worship and prayer time has come new revelations of God and his love for me. Anything I thought I knew or understood about Jesus has been radically shaken up and the beauty of the Lord has melted my face off multiple times. 

GOD IS NOT AN EMOTION. That is just one of the many revelations that I've been challenged with. Whether you feel him or not, whether you're having a good day or bad day, he still deserves your praise. So many times in worship I've been bummed because I didn't FEEL God and I somehow took that as God not showing up. But that is such a lie. I am slowly learning to push past my feelings and worship no matter what.

A big theme throughout this DTS is one of UNITY and FAMILY. The staffs' hearts are really to live a life centered around the first 2 loves: Love God and Love People. It was evident from the first night that their hope of turning this DTS into one big family was already coming true. Each student has bonded with each other in a way that can only be attributed to a commitment to love each other like Jesus first loved us. It has been a desire of my heart for years to have a group of friends that I knew loved me 100% no matter what. And though these people are still human and will still fail me at some point, I know in my heart that when they say "I'm committed to you" they mean it! I love the feeling of complete support. I especially love living in an environment of freedom, where speaking into each others lives and calling out the plans and desires God has for each other is a daily occurrence. Never have I been in such a loving, supportive place. Its truly awesome. 

Knowing you're loved gives you such FREEDOM to walk out the plan God has for you. Freedom brings confidence. Freedom opens up the doors of opportunity, of discovering your identity in Jesus. That is something I have never had. I am still struggling with breaking free from the past, but every day is a step in the right direction. 

I'm here in Kona and my only prayer is Jesus have your way! Jesus, I want to KNOW YOUR HEART. 

This is part of my beautiful family :)