Becoming expectant of the unexpected.

FRIENDS! I did not realize it had been nearly 3 months since I wrote a blog. I know I have started a couple but never finished them. To say I should write an update on all the Lord is doing is a massive understatement! I can say without hesitation that the past 3 months have been some of the best yet or maybe even ever. I will hopefully be writing more about that all soon, however, This blog post is being with a very specific purpose in mind. The Lord has completely shifted my plans for the next several months and it is my joy to share what I will be doing...

As many of you all know, I came to Kona with the plan to stay at Least 3 months and probably more. This was the first time in my life that I took a leap of faith and the Lord has so blessed that leap I took. It has now been almost 5 months since I moved to Kona and I am so, so thankful that I was brought here during this season. The community I had during my DTS has only grow in size and depth. My love and devotion to Jesus has radically increased as I spent these months going deep in the place of prayer, worship, and scripture. I came here to build an unbreakable foundation and I believe the Lord has begun to do that. Though I have my off moment, days, weeks... I am absolutely sold out and stoked for the life of missions God has called me to!

As I began to seek the Lord as to what this fall held, an opportunity arouse from an unlikely source. I had been feeling for a while that I would be leaving Kona for the September Quarter but I didn't know exactly how it would look.. and I honestly still have plenty of questions about the details of the last few months of this year. While I was in this time of wondering what was to come next, my parents dropped the idea in my head of possibly moving back home. Though at first this seemed random and not a serious possibility, I decided to take it to prayer anyways.

Here comes the exciting news...

I am SO stoked that Jesus has opened the door and confirmed that the remaining months of this year will be spent in Jacksonville!! This is by no means a permanent move home, nor is this a move out of missions! It is on my heart to give a little explanation as to what I will be doing and the main reasons I feel like the Lord is leading me home.

FAMILY. One value that has always been on my heart and has continued to grow is family. I know Jesus loves family. In fact, I know that for me the Lord wants a specific season set aside to solely focus on serving and loving the family He has given me. That is why I feel like it is such a privilege that He would give me time to be at home where I will get to be both working in missions and seeing my first nephew born. What a GOOD Father I have! He actually cares about the smallest desires on my heart and on the heart of my family. Missing Kathleen's first pregnancy has been rough on both her and I, so to be able to be there for a couple months before she is actually due is going to be an Amazing blessing.  I believe Family is the main reason I am to be in Jax for the next several months. I feel this especially strong as I begin to think about what my future is going to look like and the years I plan on spending in the nations. I have spent 6 months in Kona going deep in the Lord and now I get to spend a time specifically set aside for family... both are the perfect way to prepare for a life spent traveling. I feel so BLESSED!

CONTINUED GROWTH. I had a friend tell me a few days ago that they have started to chose future plans off of what will challenge them the most and I must say that moving back to Jacksonville will be a beautiful, stretching challenge. As amazing as Kona is, I tend to get a bit comfortable. I am now going to be in a place of stripping away all of the fluff and seeing what my foundation is Really made of! The disciplines that I have put so much time into here are now going to be tested against the familiarities of home that lean themselves towards apathy, laziness, and loss of hunger. Kona has been the perfect to learn the disciplines of prayer, worship, community, and knowing scripture and begin to walk them out. It is now time for me to test out what I have really learned and cultivated in an environment that will allow for failures and mistakes as I continue to grow. I would rather have the chance to work out the kinks in my character and recognize the weak spots in my life in Jacksonville, then to get to the nations and realize there are still major areas of growth that were left untouched.

YES, I AM STILL A MISSIONARY. YES, I STILL NEED SUPPORT. I have been so blessed to be supported by a hand full of amazing people! The foundation in financial support that I have right now is a main reason I have been able to stay in Kona, pay the bills, and thrive as I chase after Jesus. I wanted to clarify specifically for those financially supporting me and to those who have committed to praying for me, that I will still be living off of the monthly support donated each month! I will still be working in missions as I serve YWAM Jax and work as staff on that base. I hope my heart is clear in this that I am not going home for a vacation, nor to get back into my normal routine but I am going with specific vision from God and I will be working day in and day out to continue my preparation for the nations.

DESIRES ON MY HEART. I have begun to pray for the Lord to download the exact things He wants me to be working in while on the base at Youth with a Mission Jacksonville. There are a few major desires on my heart that I have for the base and that Jesus has cultivated inside of me. A main desire of mine is to see a prayer room established at YWAM Jax. I have seen first hand how important it is to have a missions movement that is rooted and grounded in prayer. The base here in Kona saw an obvious shift in the effectiveness and power of the missions work they did when they chose to prioritize prayer as a base. The value of prayer has been growing in my heart over the past several months and I would love to see YWAM Jax carry a heart of prayer and missions in an increased way! I again feel so privileged that the Lord would allow me to be a part of the shift coming to the Jacksonville base as a prayer room is established and we as the body received deeper revelation on the power and importance of prayer in missions. It is also a desire of mine to serve in the cafe currently running at the Jax base. From the first time I heard they were getting a cafe I had dreamed of what it could look like to be doing ministry out of that place. I am stoked to see what the Lord is going to do in the cafe and how it is going to be used to reach those specifically in the Jax Beach area who so desperately need to find freedom and life! Lastly, no matter how many great ideas I have my primary desire is to serve my parents and serve YWAM Jax in whatever way they need.

I hope my heart has been clearly expressed through this blog. If anyone has questions or comments please please let me know! I am more than willing to discuss each detail I wrote about an so much more. There is definitely the fears I have in my heart about returning home but I know Jesus has this time planned out perfectly and I know it His desire so I am just along for the ride! I am look at coming home the 2nd week of September so to all of my Jax friends: I will see you soon and to all of my Kona friends: this is just the beginning of life together.

Thanks to everyone who read this for taking the time and caring about my future plans!

ALSO! I will be writing another blog in the next few days to let everyone know of a trip I will be taking in October so be looking out for that!

<3

A post for my mother...

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. 

Her children stand and bless her. 

Her husband praises her: 

"There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but YOU surpass them all!" 

Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise."

~Proverbs 31: 25-31

   Mothers Day. What a ridiculous day. I mean honestly... Lets think about it. Here is a woman who carried you in her Body for NINE months, went through hours of intense/painful labor so you could be introduced to the world, and has taken care of you every day sense. She has taught you had to walk and talk. She has provided pretty much Every meal for you from age 0-18. She has decided the best school for you, the best church for you, the best environment for you to grow up in. In fact, almost Every decision your mother has made since the day she found out she was pregnant has in some way been with You in mind!! She has prayed from you more. Loved you better. Believed in you when no one else did. Championed you into every ridiculous dream you had. Listened when no one else would. She has cried more, laughed more, and loved more when it has come to you then we will ever know. I say all this to support my first statement: Mothers Day is ridiculous. We give the woman who has made our very existence possible ONE DAY! ONE. ONE. ONE!!!! We have decided that for ONE day a year we will send her flowers, ask her where She wants to eat, and tell her we really appreciate her. And then on May 14th... It all goes back to normal. We get back to our complaining and unthankfulness. Wishing that our mom would just leave us alone. We wish that she would just Understand us. We wish that she would stop asking us where we are when we haven't talked in 5 days! We think about how great it will be when we finally get to move out and her terrible rules are suffocating us anymore. We wonder.... what would life be without my mother. The very woman that carried us in her body and molded her entire life around us is no longer honored and appreciate the way she should be... It is time that we recognize the GIFT we have in our mother! It is a gift straight from the Father! 

   I woke up this morning and remembered it was Mothers Day. I contemplated writing my mom a nice text or posting a nice facebook status, both of which I will probably do. I thought about goggling a sweet mothers day quote. I even typed in the word "mother" in my iphone Bible to see what verses came up. I was searching for something meaningful. Something that would say everything in my heart. Something that would bring a tear to my mom's eye and would maybe even convey for just a moment the love I have for her in my heart. It was after looking through several verses that lacked any sort of inspirational text, that I decided to read through Proverbs 31. I've always been told this is the kind of woman I should shoot to be. A Proverbs 31 woman is the ultimate goal when it comes to a wife and a mother. As I read through it, especially 25-31, I realized something... I have that type of woman in my life already! I have been in the presence of a Proverbs 31 woman for the past 20 years! My mother is truly clothed with strength and dignity. She has carried our family through thick and thin, while beautifully supporting my father in every dream and calling on his life. And when she laughs, it comes from a place of pure joy. There is no fear left in my mother. When I am worried about the future and trying to figure it all out, she is the one always pointing me back to Jesus and teaching me what a life fully dependent on Him really looks like. The wisdom that my mother carries is unparalleled and it is in the moments of her correction that her kindness is most evident. Within our home, she is constantly on the move, serving us and providing a wonderful home to live in. Day in and day out my mother goes above and beyond to be the best mother she can be and it is time for me as her daughter to stand up and bless her! So here I am.... doing my best to let her and the rest of the world know just how amazing of a mother I have. No woman can compare. No love can match her love for me and the love in my heart I have for her will never be shaken. I will honestly spend the rest of my life trying to convey just how grateful I truly am for the mother God gave to me. I know everyone says this, but it is especially true for me: I would NOT be where I am today had it not been for my mom. I would not be walking out the crazy dreams on my heart, had it not been for a mother who did it first. I would not have the unshakable faith I have today, had it not been for my mother who walks in absolutely ridiculous faith! I would not be able to love the people around me, had it not been for a mother who has loved thousands around the world. I would not have my love for the nations, had it not been for a mother who took me to the nations With her and showed me how to love the hardest and darkest! Most of all, I would not know Jesus, let alone Love Him, had it not been for a mother who had laid her very life down at His feet and loved Him more beautifully than anyone I have ever seen. One day is not enough to express just how much my mother means to me and just how important she is to me! This woman is priceless and worthy of hearing just how amazing she is every day for the rest of her life!

   So today I honor you, Janet Baxter. I say I would not be the person I am today had it not been for you. I say I love you. My love for you grows every day. I say I am sorry for every disappointment I have brought you. I say I am sorry for not appreciating you the way I should. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for always praying for me. Thank you for loving me the way you do. Thank you for taking me into the Nations for the past 20 years. Thank you for introducing me to the Lover of my Soul. Thank you for being my amazing, world-changing, Jesus loving, mother!

   Today, I bless you. Today, I honor you. 

I love you. 

Month 1: There's no place I'd rather be

Hey guys! First off, I just want to say I am so sorry I suck at keeping everyone updated! I truly need to start blogging more and sharing all the crazy things God is doing here. So yeah, I'm sorry and will try my best to get better at the updating!

Man, this past month has been crazy. As many of you know, I am on the Leadership Track in Kona, Hawaii, hanging out while I love Jesus and catch vision for the future. Honestly coming here I had no idea what the heck I was getting myself into and honestly i think that has almost helped me. For too long I've spend time being disappointed because things didn't meet my "expectations." So when I came here I was so opened and ready for God to do whatever He wanted. The schedule is pretty dang busy. So much so that I was beginning to think it was a little much after the first week. Between spending 13 required hours in the prayer room a week, memorizing the sermon on the mount, reading a different book every couple weeks, and work from 9-11:30 every morning at the farm on campus..... I honestly was EXHAUSTED in the beginning and wondering what the line between servanthood and being overworked was. I knew I had come here to serve and learn what it was like to be a servant leader, but I truly felt like the schedule was just a bit ridiculous! However, as days passed I started to step back and say "wait a minute, Jenn.... you asked God to teach you want it was like to serve, and here you are, with your hand on the plow, digging those deep wells of servanthood." I had this list before I came of all the things I wanted to learn and grow in through serving the base and when the work I was doing failed to line up with my list I jumped right back to complaining and feeling like it was all pointless. I quickly learned in the first 2 weeks that God's list of what I was going to learn in this time and my list were Very different. At first, that sucked to accept but now it is just so good! Needless to say, it has been a pretty busy month but the Lord has given SO much grace to me in this time. Though I want to crash every day about 1 o'clock there is the grace to get my butt up and make it to the prayer room, not only because its required but because I know Jesus will meet me in those times. I now appreciate the schedule laid out in the Leadership Track. I know that it has given me the opportunity to serve, intercede, worship, learn & build relationships in a way that I would have never done on my own.

Apart from all the hands on work that I have been doing, God has been doing some awesome things in my life lately. I can say now, for the first time in months, that I am at an amazing place in life! There is a deep joy, a deep peace, a deep contentment that carries me through each day. I am loving the place God has me. I'm loving the condition that my heart is in. I'm Loving the people I'm running with. Every day God is meeting me in a new and fresh way. I seriously CAN'T GET ENOUGH. I will say, however, that this time has definitely come with its far share of "challenges." Its like right when you think you're doing great, God points out another thing in your heart. There have been weekly, Daily struggles, things that come up or issues I don't want to walk through, but for the first time in my Life no matter what comes or what things I have to conquer, my heart continues to cry out "Lord, You are Good! and I love You! Lord, You are GOOD and I love You!" For the first time I know that I know that I know that God is good, He always is and always will be and its a joy to walk through the hard things. Its a joy to go to the deep issues. Its a Joy because I am being prepared for battle. I am being prepared to be sent out in the nations and I can no longer afford to wallow in my own crap while the people of the world die without hearing the name of Jesus. Point blank. Enough is enough.

On another exciting note, since being here that have been SO many opportunities thrown my way for this year. I am not planning on staffing the DTS coming up this summer here in Kona, so I have really just been open to whatever doors God opens up. For one, I know that I am not suppose to commit to anything until this module of the Leadership Track is up in June, but I AM beginning to have some serious dream sessions with Jesus. The possibilities of this year get me STOKED! I will most likely stay on the track here and still be involved in the Awaken DTS to some degree. Awaken is my family and I just want to be running with them in some capacity! I know that I'll be going home at the end of October for the birth of my first niece/nephew!! However, the rest is up in the air. Everything honestly rides on 2 things: 1)A clear word from the Lord and 2)Finances! I believe that wherever God wants me the money will be provided, but looking forward right now I literally have NO clue how! haha! I really want to make it back to the main land for my good friends wedding at the end of July and to see my sister all cute and pregnant! I will be writing more on the possibilities of the rest of this year as God says yes and I can begin to prepare but until then.... I am Loving where I am at!!

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for me and staying updated on my whereabouts... I'm kind of all over the place but I'm seriously Loving it right now!

If you would like to help out financially through monthly support or a onetime gift please click the link at the top of the page! If you would like to send a check or a letter or a box or...... anything else awesome my address here is:  75-5851 Kuakini Highway #87, Kailua-Kona, HI 96740-2199, USA

Love you all! I'll update again soon!

My BIG need!!

So here I am about a month away from making one of the biggest moves of my life. Many emotions are running through my head and heart as I begin the next season of my life. I am in much need of prayer and encouragement however my biggest and most pressing need is that of financial support! I have put my newsletter on this blog so that all of you can read it, see pictures of my time in Nepal, and pray about YOUR part in support the call on my life! $25, $50, $100.. Anything and Everything will be a major blessing! Thanks in advance! 

Please email me at: realityisheaven@gmail.com with any questions or if you would like to set up a time to talk! I leave April 3rd! 

My heart hurts.

My heart hurts for the unreached, lost people of this world. It's hurts for the broken, poor, blinded people who have no hope and no savior. My heart hurts for my community and nation who is so numb towards all things Christian that they sit in their own despair, like sitting in your own vomit, refusing to accept the true freedom offered through Jesus. My heart hurts for injustice and brokenness and many other things that I have encountered in my lifetime. However, tonight as I lay in my bed my heart is hurting for something much more personal. Something that is beating so strong in my chest right now that I either had to blog about it or go scream and cry to express the feelings pumping through my body. My heart is hurting for my friends who just don't understand! My friends who either don't know Jesus as their Savior or more specifically tonight those who DO. Those you profess His name but neglect to add any real substance behind their words. Many of you know parts of my story or were there for seasons of my life and got to see with your own eyes the life I lived for several years.. I made my far share of mistakes. I lived the half-hearted, fake Christian life and did it quite well. I was broken, weak, and messed up. And I am here today to say NOTHING HAS CHANGED. I am Still broken, weak, and really freaking messed up. However, my relationship with Jesus HAS CHANGED. It's real. It's personal. It's AUTHENTIC. I am nothing. I am constantly on the edge about to fall back into the crap I used to call life but Now my eyes are fixed on the man who's hand is pulling me back from that edge. My heart has shifted towards the only true, whole, and beautiful thing that can daily realign my perspective and show my that I am truly nothing without JESUS. So as I write this my heart is in torment as I see friends living the life I used to live. I see so many around me acting like they are doing everything "right" but forgetting the most important part of the puzzle... Jesus. For too long did I sit around with a smile on my face and nod as people talked Jesus and never actually lived it. For too long did I know in my heart something was not right but never spoke it because I knew I was living the exact same way! I've been doing that for years but the time has come. I am now responsible for everything I sit back and allow when I know that it is wrong. My heart is hurting because I want to look at my friends and scream "What the heck are you doing? Stop lying to me!" but I can't. I know that that will only close hearts towards me and tarnish relationships that aren't suppose to be done. I want to cry with them, laugh with them, and see breakthrough in their hearts but I feel helpless. I feel hopeless. I feel like I'm sitting in front of them with duck tape over my mouth as they ramble on about Jesus but forget that as a fellow child of God He has given me discernment to see through the fake and get straight to the heart. I would rather someone lay out all their crap on the table and say here it is rather than put on a mask because then I could look at them and say well here's my crap and here's Jesus so lets work this out together! I so desperately want my friends to experience the Jesus that has captured my heart and has daily blown my mind to just how Good and Loving He really is!

I look forward to the day when God opens and softens the hearts of my friends and begins to speak to them about their true identity, worth, and place in His kingdom.

Lord, what a beautiful day that will be when my friends stop lying and realize that your grace is sufficient and your love is everlasting! When that understand I'm not "judging" them but instead I long to see their hearts Awakened to You! Let it happen soon, God! Use me in whatever way you want. Use my story, use my weaknesses, take every part and use it all however you want. May there be breakthrough in their lives this very night! Do it, God! May not another moment be wasted chasing only a shadow of who you really are! Bless them, Jesus! Encounter them and overwhelm them with Your love!

Hallelujah! It's going to happen!